four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
