I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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