She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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