I have demons in me.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
