U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
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