Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
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