how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Randomize
