dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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