we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
i now understand why vodka
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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