dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
