I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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