he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
