um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
