SEEEEXXX PLEASE
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
There's always time for handjobs
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
