it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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