We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
