I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Come on in and take your pants off
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
