Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
