Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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