So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
it was like eating out sand paper
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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