and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize