I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
i out mim tonsoeep
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