shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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