i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Randomize
