hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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