Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
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We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
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I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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