You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
