Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
