That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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