I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Randomize
