He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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