Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
