The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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