the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
...so i touched it.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Randomize
