Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
