she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
