i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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