I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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