If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
