The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
