someone get that fucking seahorse.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
