They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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