I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize