awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
