yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Randomize
