3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Randomize
