its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
