Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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