I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
