recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
