if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
