I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
