i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
