How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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