I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
