Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
