I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
