dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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