So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
