omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
