Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
