I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
