i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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