This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
