I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
