So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize