an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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