Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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