Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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