I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
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