What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
