Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
