i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
